Things I Once Wrote

The web seems to encourage people to put up their lousy poetry and prose, especially if they are American. I'm not American, but I appear to have the same weakness. So here are things that I once wrote.

Talk.bizarre is a newsgroup that I used to post to. Back in those days I thought I really could write, but a few years on I felt rather embarrased about my attempts at writing very short stories. Now, a few years on from those few years on it doesn't look so bad after all.

• The Walk - this one really annoyed my girlfriend until she got to the end of it
• The Acid Warriors - a short science fiction story
• The Traditions of the Trees - a philosophical piece about sentient trees
• Gorgeous Burgers - the most revolting poem I managed to make using a friend magnetic fridge poetry kit
• The Weighing Problem - you've got twelve balls; eleven are made of gold, but the twelfth, although gold in colour is a fake, and is either slightly lighter or slightly hevier. You have a set of balancing scales which will only work three times before they break. Can you find the fake? This is the definitive answer to this problem.
• Charon - a short poem that I once thought was quite clever, but I'm not so sure now
• Crawling Back - a vampire piece written to annoy goths
• The Investigators - another short science fiction story
• Number - a story about some numbers
• Scum from the Pond
• Smoking
• Summary - a summary of The Secret History, by Donna Tartt